OPRAH’S FAVORITE THINGS SHOW

OPRAH’S FAVORITE THINGS SHOW

Okay God,

Remember in The Color Purple when Miss Sophia was jailed for inciting a riot?

Forty-five years ago, a black woman would have gone to jail after making so many white women scream hysterically and cry, but then again, ONLY Oprah could make a pair of cotton pajamas, bunny slippers, and an automatic dental-floss machine feel like winning the Lotto.

All the black women in the audience say, “Oh Lawd, he’s so goooood to me.” And all the men in the audience break out in tears and dial their wives to alert them to never ever call them a metrasexual for watching Oprah. After announcing that “Everybody getzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz waunnnnnnnnn, Oprah belts out her trademark call of, “YAHHHHH, YAHHHH, YAHHHH.” This is big, big, big; so, so big.

Then Oprah and Gayle ended the taping of the favorite-things show with their own altered version of Helen Reddy’s hit “I Am Woman” with slightly altered lyrics:

I AM OPRAH, HEAR ME ROAR.
YOU’RE ON MY SHOW OF THINGS I ADORE.
I HAVE GIVEN GIFTS THAT OTHERS CAN’T TAKE AWAY.

I’M NOT AN EMBRYO. MAYA ANGELOU TOLD ME SO.
SO I’LL SPREAD MY GOODNESS ALL ACROSS LAND.

I AM STRONG. HaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaH
I AM INVINCIBLE

I AM OPRAH
I AM OPRAH

Meanwhile, Oprah is cueing her staff to catch her studio audience members because the sistahs are droppin’ like flies in a Pentecostal tent deliverance meeting.


God: I guess you didn’t get the car, did you?